Mother’s Day 2010 – Inspired by Madonna

After a horrible weekend of allergy suffering back in early March of this year, I found myself going to an allergist for the first time in about 20 years.  Apparently, I’m allergic to everything that grows in my neck the woods — beginning in March and lasting through a good portion of the summer.

I’m even allergic to my precious black lab-chow mix dog, Abigail Rose (Abbie for short).  Since I refuse to part with Abbie under ANY circumstance, I just jack myself up on Zyrtec and Flonase every evening and hope for the best.  A very small sacrifice for a woman’s best friend!

At least I’m not allergic to cats, which is a good thing, since I have 4 of them. <Insert “crazy cat lady” joke here>.  The cats were delighted with the news, or maybe they were just more annoyed.  One can never tell with cats.

So, in addition to Zyrtec and Flonase…….WAIT!  I did a spell check on “Flonase” and the first word it came up with is “felonies.”  Hahahaha!

I digress…

Anyway, I decided to give the allergies shots a…um….”shot” this year.

After determining that I am allergic to everything under the Northern California sun, the allergist came up with the magic concoction to inject into my arm from now until the end of time.  Needless to say, I arrived at their offices feeling annoyed and VERY congested.

And caffeine-deprived.

As I entered the lobby of the medical facility, I looked up, trying to remember where that coffee cart vendor was…

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear???   Better than a sleigh and eight tiny reindeers!

A small craft fair!!  Oh Sweet God and Baby Jesus!  A craft fair!  Exactly what the doctor ordered.  The allergist and my shot would just have to wait.

Now, being the good Catholic my mother would like me to be, the first thing I thought was, “Okay, what holiday is coming up that would warrant a gift?”  Ding ding ding!! Mother’s Day!!  Perfect!  It was March and Mother’s Day was sort of around the corner.  (Note how I totally spaced on Easter..heehee).

So off to the craft fair I go, in search of the perfect Mother’s Day gift and perhaps a trinket or two for myself.

My mom wears the same gold crucifix necklace every day.  It’s nice in an “I wear a dead guy around my neck” kind of way, but I thought she could use a fancier one to wear on those special occasions.  I rummaged through all the necklaces with crosses and finally found a beautiful one with the crucifix.

NOTE TO ANY NON CATHOLIC READING THIS:  There is a vast difference between a cross and a crucifix (crap…should “crucifix” be capitalized???).  I can’t really explain in writing what the difference is, but perhaps it has something to do with the our pathological need to depict suffering and death; to remind ourselves how truly worthless we really are; and/ or that whatever problem we have, it can’t compare to being nailed to a cross?  Take your pick. I’ve never understood it, but what I do know is that you will NEVER and I mean NEVER see a good Catholic wearing a cross.  NEVER!  It’s always a crucifix.

I was so very pleased with my mom’s gift that I celebrated by buying myself a cute pair of earrings and  matching watch.

I came home after the shot appointment (and haven’t been back since, btw) and stashed the necklace away.

When Mother’s Day finally approached, I gave my mom the gift.  As she opened it, I thought of all the great outfits that the necklace would be perfect with, and I was scanning my brain to think of any future “special occasions” to which my mom could wear it.

My mom gushed over the gift.  And not just “oh, I really love this lame gift from my child and I need to show her how much I love it” but truly gushed over it.  I think I even saw a tear in her eye.  I explained where I bought it and how I knew she had an everyday crucifix but thought she would like a fancier one to wear on special occasions.  I even pointed out the pretty colors of the beads on the necklace and started to tell her what outfits would look great with this necklace…when I caught a very perplexed look in her eye.  Very, very perplexed.

I stopping my ranting and gave her that inquisitive “what’s wrong” look and she told me something I never saw coming.   For a brief moment, I thought she would say something very martyrish like “Oh honey…this looks expensive.  You should save your money.”

But she didn’t say that.

She said, “Um, I think only the Pope can wear a Rosary around his neck.”

A WHAT!?!?!?!?

Yup – a Rosary.

This carefully thought out crucifix necklace for my mom was nothing more than a Rosary.  I really couldn’t believe it, so I snatched from my mom and looked at it more closely

1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10..  Ten beads and then a separate bead.  Rinse and repeat 4 times.  Voila!  You have yourself a Rosary!

Oh sweet Mother of God!  I unknowingly bought my mother a set of Rosary beads for Mother’s Day. ACK!!!!

I started to giggle and then I just belly laughed for about 5 minutes.  Even my mom laughed a bit.  I finally said “Well, I guess the pretty beads should have been the first clue.”

Afterwards I suggested that she wear it as a necklace and channel your mid 80’s Madonna.

Mom didn’t find that as funny.

Go figure.